I gave it all away in the title. I’m bisexual and polyamorous.
But this article isn’t just a coming-out announcement. I’m going to dive deep into my natal chart to show the astrological foundations of my unconventional lifestyle. My chart also shows why it’s taken me so long to go public.
I’ll also look at my current astrological influences – transits, secondary progressions, solar arcs and solar return – to see why I chose to reveal myself now. (The decision came first, the astrological analysis second.) And I’ve tried to write this so that even those with little or no astrology knowledge can understand it … most of it, anyway!
Why Come out Now? (Non-Astrological Reasons)
As I contemplated coming out in the weeks leading up to this post, several supportive omens came my way. Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love, publicly announced that she’s in love with another woman on September 7. Celebrate Bisexuality Day, which I hadn’t even known about, showed up in my Facebook feed on September 23. On September 29 The New York Times reported that “Brian Anderson, Skateboarding Star, Comes Out as Gay. (Mr. Anderson, 40, becomes the first openly gay professional in a sport once considered tinged with homophobia.)” And on September 30 a DC Comics writer confirmed that Wonder Woman, who will have her own major motion picture in 2017, is bisexual.
This was all very encouraging. But the thing that set me firmly on this course, strangely enough, was a critical insight about persistent congestion in my chest. I received this insight during an ayahuasca ceremony.
Ayahuasca, a hyperintelligent, multidimensional plant spirit teacher and healer, has been my most trusted advisor and main transformational catalyst for over 10 years. I asked at the beginning of a mid-September ceremony for healing of my chest congestion, which had been dragging on for weeks. During the ceremony, ayahuasca told me that the congestion would clear once I “got something off my chest.” It was clear that this meant going public about my bisexuality and polyamory.
Further reflection helped me clarify how my coming out might benefit others. One way in which it could prove helpful was beautifully dramatized in the powerful movie Milk, starring Sean Penn. As Harvey Milk, the first openly gay person elected to public office in California, he urges gays to come out of the closet.
His message is simple. Only when straight people personally know openly gay people — and realize that they share so much in common with them – will homophobia disappear. It’s hard for straight people to demonize gays as “the other” when they’re personally interacting with them, and can see that gays are really just human beings like themselves.
There’s also a political component to my timing. Donald Trump has become infamous for his vicious attacks on immigrants, Mexicans, former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, and every other person or group that upsets him. The fact that he’s won the Republican presidential nomination while doing this has fueled the rise of alt-right groups made up of neo-Nazis, white supremacists and other hatemongers.
Locally here in North Carolina, the state legislature passed its HB2 “bathroom bill” in March. Some opponents of the bill describe it as the most anti-LGBT legislation in the United States. It eliminates anti-discrimination protections for gay, bisexual, transgender, genderqueer, and intersex people. It also legislates that in government buildings, individuals may only use restrooms and changing facilities that correspond to the sex on their birth certificates.
Many businesses and national sports organizations have protested by pulling their business out of North Carolina. In addition, the U.S. Department of Justice has sued the governor and two state agencies in response, but HB2 has yet to be repealed.
One of the most important presidential elections in American history is looming, and HB2’s mean-spirited discrimination has become state law. Now more than ever, it’s critical for those who embrace alternative lifestyles to stand up and be counted. If we don’t show the world who we really are, we’ll be demonized by those who wish to harm and control us. Hate and xenophobia can only be cured with love and inclusion.
Bisexuality and Polyamory in My Natal Chart
I was born 2/14/1960, 5:15 PM, Norman, Oklahoma. Here’s a link to a PDF of my natal chart, moving energies as of 9/29/16, and 2/14/2016 solar return. I use Porphyry houses.
The seventh house is a significant factor in how a person relates with others. My seventh house has Aquarius on the cusp.
Aquarius rules that which is unconventional, outside-the-box and cutting-edge. After doing over 6000 client sessions, I’ve observed that strong Aquarian signatures are frequently associated with same-sex preference, bisexuality and polyamory.
I also have an Aquarian Sun, indicating that my vitality will shine most brightly when I “fly my freak flag” the highest. And my Sun is in the seventh house, showing that I relate with others unconventionally.
It’s important to note that not everyone with these kinds of astrological factors will be best served by non-mainstream sexual and relational choices. I’ve worked with plenty of clients with similar Aquarian signatures who were happily straight and monogamous. Astrology is archetypally predictive but not concretely predictive. The Aquarian need for personal authenticity and unconventional expression can show up in lots of different ways.
My consistent attraction to bisexuality (since my teens) and polyamory (for the last several years) shows that these are good choices for me. The best way to know how your chart’s archetypal possibilities want to concretely manifest is to follow your bliss. Enthusiasm is your divine self saying, “Go do that!”
My bisexuality and polyamory are supported by more than my Aquarian seventh house and my Aquarian Sun in the seventh. I also have Uranus opposing the Descendant. (The Descendant is the cusp, or beginning, of the seventh house.) Uranus embodies the same energies as Aquarius, and gives powerful reinforcement to my chart’s Aquarian relationship factors. Uranus also loosely opposes my Sun, adding still more fuel to the fires of unconventionality.
Since I use the four asteroid goddesses in my charts, I’m aware of yet another way in which unconventional relating is strongly supported. Uranus makes an almost exact trine (easy, smooth connection) to Juno, the asteroid goddess of committed partnership.
Since Uranus co-rules Aquarius, it’s one of my relationship rulers. Uranus is conjunct my Ascendant (the first house cusp). The Ascendant is the image or persona one projects to the world.
With relationship-ruling Uranus conjunct the Ascendant, part of my soul purpose is to be open with the world about how I do relationship. And with Leo (the performer in the spotlight) ruling my Ascendant, I’m here to communicate my messages in a highly visible and (hopefully) entertaining way!
I mentioned that Uranus is the co-ruler of my Aquarian Descendant. Uranus is the modern ruler of Aquarius, but Saturn is its ancient ruler. In personal chart interpretation, both the ancient and modern rulers contribute valuable insights. Therefore, Saturn’s setup in my chart will also describe how I do relationships.
Saturn is dignified in its own sign of Capricorn. Both the planet and sign are associated with conservative, traditional values. Saturn is in my sixth house, which can manifest as taking an inferior position to others.
I also have the two planets most commonly associated with relationship, Venus and Mars, tightly conjunct. Like Saturn, they’re also in Capricorn and in the sixth house. Subtler additions to this conservative energy are Saturn’s wide conjunctions to Venus and Mars, and Saturn’s very tight semi-sextile to my Descendant.
These Capricornian and sixth house influences counterbalance the more radical relational energies of Aquarius and Uranus. In fact, these conservative influences strongly colored how I did relationship for most of my life.
Why Did I Wait so Long to Come out?
The last thing the conservative energy of Saturn and Capricorn wants to do is rock the boat for no good reason. I’ve been comfortable flying my freak flag in other areas, such as ayahuasca and sacred sexuality, largely because I knew how much they’ve enriched my life and can profoundly benefit others.
But I hadn’t yet achieved the same understanding about my bisexuality and polyamory, which I thought of as more personal and private. (I was open about my inclinations with my friends, but that’s easy in an open-minded town like Asheville.) It wasn’t until I understood how my coming out could benefit others, noted above, that I finally made the leap.
Many astrological factors also support the timing of my coming out. I’ll discuss those after the next section.
Dynamic Tension Between My Conservative and Radical Influences
Even though I awakened to my bisexuality in my teens, and had a few one-off sexual experiences with men, I initially chose a more mainstream path. This was also influenced by the fact that I lived in Oklahoma, a very conservative state, until I was 41.
I focused my romantic attentions almost entirely on women. My seventh house Sun always had me looking for my next relationship, and my Capricorn relationship planets urged me to marry them. Four marriages and two additional committed partnerships have come and gone in my 56 years, all with women.
Why so many relationship endings? There are many factors I’m aware of, but it only serves this article to touch on the most important ones here. My parents’ relationship was emotionally dysfunctional. I unconsciously embodied many of their worst qualities in my relationships, or projected them onto my partners.
My sixth house planets had not yet developed their higher potentials. One effect of this during my first three marriages, all in Oklahoma, was that I would neglect my own needs and desires to try to make my partner happy. This would ultimately culminate in me feeling angry and resentful. This would trigger a downward spiral and, ultimately, divorce.
I hadn’t yet done the necessary shadow work or learned the core relating strategies that would have supported a healthy long-term relationship. (If only I’d read Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, with its extraordinary insights on how to relate harmoniously with others, a few decades sooner!) I now understand that the only person ever responsible for any of my negative emotions or unskillful behavior is me.
Another relationship turnover factor is the strong Uranus/Aquarius influence on my seventh house. To maintain a healthy long-term relationship under these influences, a partner would have to be a consistent igniter of paradigm shift and awakening for me. They’d have to be a natural catalyst, always helping to fire up my next quantum leap in consciousness.
They’d have to do this without embodying too much of the Uranus/Aquarius dark side: agitation, craziness and instability. Finally, we’d have to be evolving at similar speeds. When one partner’s vibration shifts too far away from the other’s, there’s no longer enough energetic “glue” to maintain a vibrant connection.
I’ve worked with many clients who have similar Aquarian/Uranus factors, and very few have reported being in relationships that are both long-lasting and consistently heart-connected. Many, like me, had wandered down the path of serial monogamy. Others decided that no one person was likely to give them the long-term paradigm shifting they needed to thrive. Quite a few of those have chosen polyamory, which some call “open relationship.” (According to Wikipedia, as of July 2009, it was estimated that more than 500,000 polyamorous relationships existed in the United States.)
Similar chart signatures could play out in a monogamous context, with the stimulation from others coming nonsexually. But for some, following their bliss means enjoying sexual connection with multiple partners, with no secrets, shame or guilt. Polyamorous people can take pleasure in sexual intimacy and committed partnership with more than one person at a time … as long as everyone involved is okay with everyone else’s sexual and emotional connections.
Why Come Out Now? (Astrological Reasons)
As I mentioned above, the decision to come out came first, based on the non-astrological factors I’ve already described. I did the following study of the current astrological influences afterward. As my notations on the PDF of my natal chart, moving energies and current solar return show, there are a lot of moving energies affecting me now! I’ll discuss only the most important ones that relate to this article, and will focus on interpretations that reflect its themes.
The most powerful transit I’m currently experiencing (as of Oct. 1, 2016) is transiting Pluto conjunct natal Saturn. I’m overcoming my fear, resistance and conservatism (Saturn) to be honest (Pluto) about my sexual (Pluto) relationships (Saturn co-rules my Descendant). Pluto is also tightly semi-sextile my Descendant right now.
Transiting Uranus is tightly square my Venus-Mars conjunction, supporting this surprising revelation (Uranus) about relationships (Venus) and sexuality (Mars). Uranus is also sextile my chart-ruling Sun, energizing me to step into my authentic (Uranus) self (Sun) more radically (Uranus) than ever before!
Transiting Chiron is opposing my Moon and nearing conjunction to my South Node. All three points excel at bringing up shadow material for healing.
Speaking of shadow work and healing, something else ayahuasca told me in that mid-September ceremony is that fully embracing my bisexuality and polyamory is an essential part of my spiritual evolution right now. In order to go to the next level of my awakening, I must unconditionally love and accept myself exactly as I am. Given the highly visible nature of my spiritual service, coming out publicly is an integral part of that self-acceptance.
Progressed Juno is conjunct my Jupiter, putting a spotlight (Jupiter) on committed partnerships (Juno). Jupiter is the ancient ruler of my eighth house of sexuality and secrets. In addition, progressed Jupiter is almost exactly sextile my seventh house Chiron in Aquarius. This supports the healing of wounds (Chiron) around unusual (Aquarius) committed partnerships (Juno).
Juno is a major player in all my charts right now! Solar arc Juno is conjunct my Aquarian Descendant, further emphasizing the theme of unorthodox (Aquarius) committed partnerships (Juno). And solar arc Venus (relationships) in Pisces (unconditional love) is square natal Juno.
Solar arc Chiron is almost exactly square Mars, energizing sexual (Mars) healing (Chiron). And the solar arc Moon (public recognition) is square Uranus, my modern Descendant ruler.
Solar Return Chart
My 2/14/2016 solar return chart shows high public visibility with the Sun tightly conjunct the Ascendant. And the Sun rules this chart’s seventh house of relationships!
Sexuality is strongly emphasized with Mars square the Sun and opposite the Moon. Mars is also conjunct Juno (there’s the asteroid goddess of committed partnership yet again!) and square the Ascendant/Descendant axis (persona/relationships).
As if that wasn’t enough, Mars is also the focal point of a Kite aspect pattern that also includes the Moon, Jupiter and Pluto. Mars is also the solar return chart’s most elevated planet, giving it still more prominence. Mars is in Scorpio (uncensored honesty) and in the ninth house (publication and teaching).
Beyond its sexual meaning, Mars also represents courage, leadership, assertiveness and striving for a worthy cause.
I think this superabundance of astrological timing factors makes it clear why I was called to come out now!
I hope you’ve enjoyed exploring the astrological reasons that support my bisexuality and polyamory, as well as the personal, political and astrological factors that influenced me to come out of the closet now.
Anyone who has read this, and has any positive regard for me and what I do, now knows that I’m bisexual and polyamorous. If this helps them be more tolerant of those with any sexual preference or alternative lifestyle that doesn’t harm others … or if what I’m sharing emboldens someone to come out themselves when the time is right … then I’ll consider my outing of myself to have done some good in the world.
I welcome your comments below, and wish you infinite blessings!
You might also enjoy this related (and much shorter!) post: Soulmates Beyond Marriage: My Ever-Deepening Love With Spiritsong.